Aries
The Sun returns to your House of Aries and… hardly recognizes the place. Who are the kids in that photo? We don’t remember a credenza in the foyer. Or a foyer for that matter… *Checks notes* Yup, definitely in the wrong House.
Taurus
A promising romantic connection is fated for the 24th. Unfortunately, so is a package with a 2-hour delivery window. You’ll be home, right as they walk by. The stars giveth, but the logistics taketh away. Kismet or your new plunger?
Gemini
Mars is orbiting on an incline in your House of Treadmills. Expect to find everything about 3% more of an uphill effort than usual. Spray some EUCALYPTUS 20 and initiate the emergency stop key.
Cancer
A single dizzying spritz of ROSE 31 will bend time so much that you won’t know whether you’re coming or going. Up will be down, your past will smell like the future, and best of all—none of it will matter. You’ll be drifting with carefree abandon in a centifolia sky… Far out.
Leo
Your horoscope, Leo? Sorry, you’re on your own this time. But if it helps, your best friend’s birthday is on the 19th. You’ll buy them a bottle of VIOLETTE 30 on the 12th. And you’ll decide to keep it for yourself on the 14th. At some point, it will rain. There you go.
Virgo
The world seems to be unraveling, Virgo. And nothing feels like it makes sense anymore. But never fear: after twenty years, Le Labo still makes scents.
Libra
Smooth sailing ahead, Libra. Might as well take it literally and go sailing. Permit yourself to drift away from the sea of emails in your inbox. If boating isn’t your thing, a spray of BAIE 19 will carry you just as far, Below Neck. Spritz ahoy!
Scorpio
Saturn is drifting into your House of Melancholy, casting a moody blue over your week. One rogue navy sock will make its way into your next load of whites to ensure your wardrobe follows suit. Light a Special Edition CYPRÈS 21 Indigo Candle and make your blues more voluntary.
Sagittarius
Mercury’s in retrograde in your House of Oblivion. One spritz of LAVANDE 31 and you’ll drift off peacefully into an ineffable void—like a test strip left in sunlight, radiating lavender into the ether. Bye!
Capricorn
Jupiter is entering your House of IMDB. You’re doomed to spend the spring desperately trying to remember that one actor from that movie. The tall one. Who was also in that other show… You know the one…
Aquarius
Saturn is idling in your House of Doing the Bare Minimum. Discover that there’s no limit to what you can achieve this year, now that everybody’s lowered their expectations. Go forth and knock the extremely manageable out of the park!
Pisces
Venus is drifting into your House of Social Embarrassment. After applying Basil Rinse-Free Hand Gel, you will discover, mid-Zoom, that the whole office has been watching you blissfully sniff your fingers.
